Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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