Non-Jews are for practice
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
