Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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