I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
