I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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