guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
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Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.