My hand turned me down
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.