I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme