Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable