mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
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It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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