you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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