someone threw a dead crab at me
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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