AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
