Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
