Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
