it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The Olympian is in my bed
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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