I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
