even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
