We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
