I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
