Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
