Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
