This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
