i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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