the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
