There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
