I showed him my bush... on skype.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
