i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
