Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
