A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
They have beer where we have blood.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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