It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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