If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
