he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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