Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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