Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
