I wish my penis had an off switch
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
