I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
