If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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