I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
