there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
