she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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