Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
