sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.