Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
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so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate