If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.