the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.