So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
