I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
