We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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