I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
