sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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