I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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