i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
