never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
