So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
