wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
