I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
