Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
