Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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