you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
4 words: hood of his car
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
