I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
