i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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