woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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