So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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