He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
