The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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