I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
