I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
