there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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