your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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