Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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