i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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