you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So apparently I’m into choking now
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
