I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
