I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize