My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
