I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
