I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
